


Avenger Headcanons

by kaitlia777



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Headcanon, M/M, Multi, Team Dynamics, deafness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-11
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-09 14:43:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlia777/pseuds/kaitlia777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a list of my head canons for members of the Avengers and their friends.  Short fics for each number will follow : )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

CLINT BARTON

1\. Clint has some odd dietary quirks.  
2\. Clint suffers from hyperopia and has a 70db hearing loss.  
3\. Books. Clint can’t get enough of them.  
4\. Clint adapts to the stability of life in the Avengers Tower far quicker than he expected to.

STEVE ROGERS

5\. Sometimes, when he’s not saving the world from Doombots, Loki’s latest attempt to take over the world or giant, rabid space ferrets, Steve likes to go down to the employee daycare of Stark Industries to help out.  
6\. Despite what everyone thinks, Steve is not afraid of the modern world and he has friends beyond S.H.I.E.L.D., the team and those they introduce him too.  
7\. Steve adores the variety of foods available, delights in sampling the dishes his friends suggest, but what he really loves is the availability of fruit.  
8\. Everyone is unsurprised when the press homes in on Captain America, but they are surprised by how well Steve handles all the press and PR stuff.  
9\. Sometimes, Steve pretends to be confused by 21st century tech that he’s mastered because the others seem to get an odd joy out of explaining things.  
10\. When Steve moves in to Stark Tower, he doesn’t immediately think to question how there is an entire wardrobe full of clothes tailored specifically for him already there.

NATASHA ROMANOFF

11\. Natasha is the one who gets the call that leads to the discovery that Sgt. James Barnes is alive and kicking in Siberia.  
12\. When she told Loki that love was for children, she was not lying, as she believes trust is far more important and intimate.  
13\. Though no one suspects her, Natasha is the one who bought Steve a puppy.  
14\. Once a week (supervillian attacks and corporate intrigue permitting), Natasha, Pepper, Jane and Darcy get together for a ‘girls night’ and refuse to tell the guys anything about it.

THOR

15\. Thor is a lot smarter than most give him credit for.  
16\. When he needs some aspect of Midgardian culture or technology explained, Thor prefers to go to Clint for information.  
17\. Sometimes, late at night, Thor watches Jane sleep and envies her mortality.  
18\. When Sif and the Warriors Three visit Earth, Thor likes nothing better than introducing them to the wonders of New York and seeing all his friends bond.

BRUCE BANNER

19\. Though he’s begun to make peace with the idea of the other guy, Bruce still really wants to ask Steve for a blood sample.  
20\. After knowing her for all of five minutes, Bruce respects Pepper Potts more than he could say.  
21\. It’s purely an accident when the team discovers a surefire way to calm an angry Hulk: Several dozen maple frosted donuts, a vat of chocolate milk and Toddlers & Tiaras on the TV.  
22\. Bruce has spent years dreading the day General Ross caught up with him and never imagined coming out of said encounter trying not to laugh.

TONY STARK

23\. Though he’s cut down on his drinking, Tony still drinks and sometimes he wonders if it’s considered alcoholism if he doesn’t actually get drunk.  
24\. He’s eaten at 5 Star restaurants the world over and places so exclusive they don’t even have names, but the most incredible thing Tony has ever eaten was prepared by the culinary tag team of Bruce, Clint and Steve.  
25\. When he’s in the suit, Tony’s fine, but out of the suit standing pools of water make him nervous.  
26\. Somehow, after joining a team of superheroes and inviting them to move in (thus making the tower an even bigger target for the many and varied crazies who hated them), Tony found a measure of peace that had always eluded him.

PHIL COULSON

27\. When Phil was a little boy, he tended to get sick quite often and his mother would always read him Captain America comic books to make him feel better.  
28\. Phil is 28 when he meets Clint and immediately realizes the archer is going to drive him crazy. He’s 32 when he meets Natasha and is certain she’s going to be the death of him. Years later, he can’t recall exactly when he realized he loved them both.  
29\. Phil has a lifelong aversion to mushrooms and whole tomatoes that Clint and Natasha tease him about.  
30\. Outside of S.H.I.E.L.D, Pepper Potts is his closest friend, as they share a kinship only they understand.

PEPPER POTTS

31\. Pepper sees a change in Tony after the Chitauri invasion and is delighted, relieved and a little sad.  
32\. Because she’s a forward thinker, Pepper sees the writing on the wall with regards to Tony and Steve and has a plan.  
33\. It’s not saving the world, but Pepper gets a kick out of cowing pompous suits during board meetings.  
34\. Every Tuesday, Pepper treats herself to a pedicure because 4 inch heels (while awesome) are hell on the feet.

NICK FURY

35\. Nick has been married and divorced 2x, but it was worth it to have his kids and grandchildren.  
36\. Nick Fury knows where all the bodies are buried.  
37\. After the Chitauri invasion, Fury watches the grainy cellphone footage taken of the various Avengers and knows the council will have to allow the team to reform or face the wrath of negative publicity.  
38\. Depending on who has pissed him off, Fury assigns members of the team to give interviews and make nice with the press.

MARIA HILL

39\. Maria is fairly sure every person she works with is fucked in the head in one way or another.  
40\. Occasionally, when Fury is feeling ‘funny’ he sends her off to recruit new minions…er, agents.  
41\. At the time of the Chitauri invasion, Maria had been entertaining the idea of fraternizing with Agent Kole and, though she did not allow herself to be distracted during the crisis, she found herself glad to see that he had survived.  
42\. Once, a new agent had referred to her as Fury’s secretary. Once.

JANE FOSTER

43\. Though she may seem mild mannered and calm, tossing Jane into the company of Tony and Bruce allowed her to really let her inner mad scientist run wild.  
44\. When she was a little girl, Jane dreamed of a handsome prince sweeping her off of her feet and can’t believe it actually happened.

DARCY LEWIS

45\. Darcy takes it upon herself to make sure each of the Avengers has some harmless, silly fun every week (supervillian attacks excluded).  
46\. She was never sure exactly what she was going to do with her poly-sci degree, but Darcy’s damn sure working for the Avenger’s Initiative is a hell of a lot more fun than any of her other options would have been.

LADY SIF & THE WARRIORS THREE

47\. When he’s not adventuring with his comrades, Hogun enjoys tending his garden.  
48\. Volstagg’s favorite hobby is the Asgardian equivalent of square dancing.  
49\. On her visits to Earth, Sif takes a liking to the game of baseball.  
50\. Fandral met the great love of his life as a boy, but she died tragically young, which is why he has no desire to ever settle down.


	2. Clint Barton

1\. **Clint has some odd dietary quirks.**

No one questions when Clint chooses the pork and beef shawarma instead of the more traditional lamb, but hey, they’d just stopped an alien invasion. They were allowed a little slack.

After a few months of meals at Avenger Tower, it was Bruce who first put together the pieces and realized Clint never ate either lamb or veal. The Archer had shrugged it off and grumbled something unintelligible, but after a few drinks had admitted to not liking the idea of eating cute baby animals.

No one mentions it again, as, after hearing Clint’s reasoning, Steve starts refusing both options as well.

Vegetables and fruit are another story all together. He’ll eat them, but only if they’re dipped in batter and fried or smothered in processed sugar. Tony makes no bones about wondering how the hell Clint isn’t toothless and 300lbs.

 

2\. **Clint suffers from hyperopia and has a 70db hearing loss.**

He only wears his glasses for reading (he can squint and get by, but the headaches can get pretty bad) and he keeps them in his room, so everyone is surprised to hear Darcy coo, “OMG, you look all kinds of geek chic!”

Her reaction caused Clint to scramble to remove the black plastic frames, blinking around at the room as he took in his housemates. It wasn’t like any of them were going to tease him, but….

“Nice specs, Barton!” Tony said gleefully, dashing Clint’s hope that no one would comment. “They go with that quasi hipster aesthetic you’re working.”

 _What?_ “I’m not a hipster.”

“Your skinny jeans beg to differ,” Tony quipped, pointing at Clint’s pants with…why was there a fuzzy pink princess wand in the tower and why did Tony have it?

Pushing that thought aside, Clint rallied. “Skinny jeans do not make a hipster,” he said, nodding to Steve and Thor. “You going to call them hipsters too?”

Tony looked smug. “No, because off the rack jeans are not made to constrain the bulging calf muscles of demi-gods and supersoldiers. Their custom fit jeans are on order. You, on the other hand, have no excuse.”

“Loose material only serves to provide one’s enemies with convenient hand holds,” Natasha said in a tone that brooked no argument. Clint grinned at her, glad that at least one of his teammates understood.

It was one of Tony’s inventions that revealed Clint’s hearing loss. Not intentionally, but when one of the semi-sentient house bots went on the fritz, emitting a piercing wail, it drew reactions from all who were present.

Natasha scrunched up her face in displeasure and turned to glare at Tony, who was already saying, “JARVIS, who is making that racket?”

Steve and Thor both clapped their hands over their ears, though Steve removed one hand to wave Bruce removing his noise cancelling headset. 

The Hulk didn’t need to make an appearance.

Unlike the rest of them, Clint wasn’t annoyed by the noise. No, he promptly yelped, grabbed his ears, keeled over and threw up.

Whatever the frequency of the sound, it wrought havoc on the strong implanted hearing aids S.H.I.E.L.D. had outfitted him with several years ago after a close call with a bomb. Normally, he wasn’t even aware of their presence, but today it felt like someone was jabbing his brain with an ice pick, the pain so intense he could barely form a thought.

“Turn it off!”

He was only peripherally aware of Natasha shouting that order at Tony or her hands grasping at his, trying to help him protect his ears.

Thirty seconds of hell later, the sound stopped, leaving Clint a shaking, gasping wreck on the floor.

Clint had never told anyone about the implants (Natasha knew, of course) because he didn’t want anyone thinking he was a liability. His team had surprised him. Thor took the news in stride and Steve had shrugged philosophically and said, “Hey, without medical science I’d still be a 90lb asthmatic…and, ya know, long dead.”

Bruce and Tony had simply exchanged a look and, of course, it was Tony who said, “I want to see the schematics.”

S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn’t wanted to hand them over, but that had never stopped Tony before and the improvements the science bros made to the implant design were awesome.

3\. **Books. Clint can’t get enough of them.**

As a little boy, Clint had loved to read, loved learning, but, after his parents died and he’d been shuffled from one unpleasant foster home to another before running off to join the circus, he’d had to put aside such things. Occasionally, if the circus stopped close to a library, he’d slip off for a few hours and indulge himself (he might not go to school, but he was damned if he was going to grow up stupid), but circus life wasn’t conducive to collecting books.

It was his skill set, not his brain that had caught Nick Fury’s eye and the man had intentionally overlooked Clint’s lack of education, and something Phil Coulson hadn’t been willing to do. Clint could clearly remember the way the agent’s eye had twitched when he’d found out the archer had no formal schooling beyond the sixth grade. A few months and refresher classes later, Clint received his GED, an accomplishment he was quite pleased with.

Though he traveled a lot for ops, for the first time in years he had a sense of permanence. Hell, he even had an office at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, not that he ever used it for whatever someone thought a sniper might need an office for.

No, Clint’s office basically became a storage space for his books.

When he moved into Stark Tower, he brought with him two duffle bags, seven bows, thee quivers, countless arrows, 17 Rubbermaid totes filled with books and his Kindle.

 

4\. **Clint adapts to the stability of life in the Avengers Tower far quicker than he expected to.**

He figures this is partially because all other occupants of the tower are equally strange or used to the strange. When considered next to Stark and Banner, who routinely blew stuff up (sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose), Steve, who was still a bit lost (yesterday, Clint had seen him attempting to reason with the coffeemaker. Though considering how often Tony _improved_ the appliances, maybe the coffeemaker was now voice activated…), Thor, who had a fire pit (complete with a spit to ‘roast a wild boar’), had too much energy all the time and was still a little fuzzy as to why Midgardians were uncomfortable with casual nudity and Natasha, who seemed to view cohabitation as a license to harmlessly terrorize Tony, observe Bruce and Thor and attempt to introduce Steve to culture beyond fast cars and loud music (Tony had been trying to help lately), you’d think he’d have the sense to be a little uncomfortable, but no.

The first thing Pepper Potts (Oh, she was awesome. Two minutes after meeting her, Clint knew why Phil adored her. The archer had once ‘accidentally’ overheard a conversation wherein someone had likened Phil’s job to ‘herding a pack of wet, rabid cats’. Though somewhat insulting it was a fairly accurate description and Clint figured that was Pepper’s job as well. Except her pack of cats consisted of Tony Stark and his company, not a team of highly trained agents) had said upon their arrival at the Tower was, “Welcome to your new home. Anything you need, feel free to ask JARVIS.”

On the elevator ride up, Tony had expressed his version of that sentiment. “Mi tower es su tower…except my workshop. Dummy will hose you down with fire retardant if you go down there without me.”

Each of the floors allocated to members of the team had been tailored to suit them in a way that was almost creepy. At first, Clint had been a little let down by how comparatively average his rooms seemed to be…until he began to notice the little things. Unlike the other floors, his high, vaulted ceilings were supported by visible, easily accessible (for him) rafters in every room. The top of every piece of furniture (cabinets, bookshelves, the fridge) was clear and there were random, sturdy protrusions disguised about 10 feet up on the walls. By each vent there was a small touchpad that would let him into the air shafts (Tony assured him there was a manual override to be used in the event of a catastrophic system failure).

But what really made Clint love his apartment was the bedroom. All code name related bird jokes aside, he could admit he had the habit of creating small hideaways in ceilings and other elevated places. Very few people seemed to understand that he wasn’t going to sleep in a traditional bed on a regular basis, especially not alone.

Strangely, there didn’t seem to be a bed in the bedroom…or that’s what he thought before looking up.

At the center of the room, where two rafters met at a perpendicular angle, was a round platform, approximately 7ft below the ceiling. A ladder hung off of the edge of the platform, easy enough to roll up and cut off access.

“Those rafters are actually just a façade around I-beams made of an alloy I designed,” Tony said proudly as Clint gawked. “You could dance a jig up there and it wouldn’t move a millimeter…Hell, Thor, the Warriors Three and Lady Sif could boogie down without a problem.”

“Awesome,” Clint murmured, scrambling up the ladder. 

It was so awesome that he could overlook the fact that the actual bed (some kind of freakishly comfortable space age mattress), set in the center of the platform, was also round, with pillows piled along the edge to look like a nest.

Yeah, he was home.


	3. Steve Canon #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **1\. Sometimes, when he’s not saving the world from Doombots, Loki’s latest attempt to take over the world or giant, rabid space ferrets, Steve likes to go down to the employee daycare of Stark Industries to help out.**

Shortly after moving into the newly christened Avengers Tower, Steve found himself looking for something to do while not on a mission. He had tried helping with the clean-up efforts around the city, but people had recognized him and the ensuing media swarm had hampered the repairs. The only places he seemed to be able to avoid the press were S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Tower.

Everyone assured him that (eventually) things would calm down, but for now they simply had to wait things out.

So, while Tony and Bruce did inexplicably complex genius things, Natasha and Clint did spy things and Thor was off on Asgard, Steve roamed around the Tower. The normal office floors had been largely untouched by the battle and the day to day operations of Stark Industries went on.

The men and women of SI were friendly (though many were solely focused on whatever they were doing), so he was startled to hear the sound of children’s laughter as he walked one of the 2nd floor halls. Seconds later, a tiny, curly haired girl in pink overalls came barreling out of a door, moving as quickly as her little legs could carry her.

Acting on instinct, Steve reached down and scooped up the giggling toddler, who regarded him with wide, hazel eyes and chirped, “Hi!”

“Hi,” he replied, carrying her back to the room she’d exited and peering in to see what seemed to be a very large number of very small children and two harried care givers. Knocking lightly on the half door, which had swung closed after the little girl’s escape, Steve said, “Excuse me.”

One of the women looked over at his voice and said, “Hello…Miley! You escaped again?”

Reaching out to hand the girl over the door, Steve said, “She was running down the hall. Looks like things are pretty busy in here.”

“Miley’s our resident escape artist,” the young woman said, taking the girl from Steve’s arms and settling her on her hip. “Thanks for catching her. We’re a little swamped these days.”

“I can see that,” Steve replied. “Looks like you have your hands full.”

She took a deep breath. “Yeah, we’re helping with the overflow from the businesses damaged during the big fight, providing free daycare until they’re back up and running, but, despite hiring some extra help, there are a lot of kids!”

“Oh!” That would explain the chaos. “Can I help.”

She blinked. “Uh…aren’t you…?”

“Steve Rogers, ma’am.”

“Captain America?”

He nodded.

“You want to help us with the kids?”

“Why not?”

She stared for a moment and then shrugged. “Okay.”

And that was how Steve found himself reading stories to toddlers, finger painting with older children and discovered modern disposable diapers were probably created by a very subtle super villain. When he returned to the upper floors later that evening, it was Natasha who pointed to his shoulder and said, “Cap, you’ve got something on your shirt.”

He looked down and wrinkled his nose. “One of the babies spit up on me, I guess.”

“Babies?” Tony asked, peering at him like he thought Steve had gone crazy.

As he wiped at his shoulder with a damp cloth, Steve nodded. “I was helping out down at the daycare.”

That made everyone stare at him like he was volunteering for a suicide mission, but the next day, when he went back down to the daycare, he caught each of his team mates peeking in at him curiously…though only Tony was bold enough to gleefully snap pictures of him having a tea party with three little girls.


	4. Steve Head Canons 2 & 3

6\. **Despite what everyone thinks, Steve is not afraid of the modern world and he has friends beyond S.H.I.E.L.D., the team and those they introduce him too.**

 

Though Fury (and a significant percentage of…well, everyone) seemed to think Steve was going to start twitching and ranting about the evils of the modern world if he was exposed to much of it (outside of battle), Steve Rogers was not some delicate, emotionally unstable flower. He fully grasped the idea that the world had changed during the 70 years he spent asleep, and yes he'd had some initial shock, but he'd also had a lot of experience learning to adapt.

Once the initial media insanity after the Chitauri invasion waned, Steve liked to walk around the city, observing the changes and meeting people.

There was a small, rather bohemian hole in the wall coffee shop a few blocks from the Tower where he stopped to chat with Holly, the owner/baker/barista, and Lux and Ashton, two of the regulars. Holly smelled like cinnamon and sugar and always saved him a warm blueberry muffin while Lux and Ashton wore a lot of black and chain-smoked funny smelling cigarettes while they discussed the news of the day or local bands.

On his morning jogs, he regularly paused to say hello to Officers Sean Bethel and Alice Ryan, who walked the beat by Central Park. Alice had a four-year-old son who was ‘the biggest Captain America fan’ and the screensaver on her phone was a picture of the boy with a little toy version of Steve's own shield.

Steve liked to visit MOMA on Tuesdays, as his favorite docent, Michael Kang, was on duty. The young man was an art history student and Steve enjoyed their lively discussions as they walked the exhibits.

On Wednesdays, he always saw Louis, Sibohan and Zara behind some of the high-end restaurants, sorting through the dumpsters. They introduced him to the concept of Freeganism, the practice of reclaiming and eating food that has been discarded, an idea which he found refreshing in the very consumerist society of modern-day America. He'd even been over to their community once (okay, so he knew squatting in an abandoned building was illegal, but it was there and no one was using it, so he didn't see why anyone should have a problem with people living there), shared a reclaimed meal and it had been really good.

Sometimes on Saturdays, he'd join in the pickup soccer game in the park. He'd never really played the game before, but it was fun. By the end, everyone would be sweaty and muddy and they’d go out for pizza.

In a been funny when, one lazy Friday afternoon, he got a text from Holly about an open mic night at the café and happily replied that he'd be there. As he rose to throw on a clean shirt, he realized the rest of the team were watching him from their positions sprawled around the TV.

“Got a mission, Cap?” Clint asked, somewhat curiously, but he didn't seem thrilled by the prospect.

“Nothing like that,” Steve assured him, waving his phone. “Just going to meet up with some friends.”

As he left the room, he heard Tony ask, “When did Steve get friends that aren’t us?”

Steve chose to ignore them when they were rather unsubtle about tailing him to the coffee shop.

 

10\. **When Steve moves in to Stark Tower, he doesn’t immediately think to question how there is an entire wardrobe full of clothes tailored specifically for him already there.**

 

After living in the small, underground apartment S.H.I.E.L.D. had provided for him, moving into Stark Tower…Avengers Tower, was a bit of a shock. Tony had allocated an entire floor for each member of the team and decorated said floor to reflect something of each person. Steve's floor was full of simple, warm décor, large, fluffy couches and chairs and sturdy wooden furniture.

He'd never seen such a large bed and he loved the floor to ceiling windows in his bedroom. The light was beautiful and he was touched to see an easel and art supplies set up by the window.

When he opened the closet to put away what few items of clothing he had, Steve wasn't that surprised to see it fully stocked. Pants were hung neatly, as were shirts, sweaters were folded on the shelf. T-shirts were hidden away in drawers as were worked out gear, socks and underwear.

Everything seemed modest, if a bit updated from what S.H.I.E.L.D. had provided him, so he didn't think about it.

A few days later, he wandered into the kitchen on one of the communal floors, intent on finding something to eat. Natasha was already there, perched on one of the stools by the counter, sipping a cup of tea.

“Good afternoon Natasha,” he greeted her, pulling open the fridge and grinning to see the array of sliced deli meat.

“Cap,” she said in reply and he heard her shift on her seat. “Is that cashmere?”

He turned to place the meats and cheeses on the counter as he asked, “Cashmere?”

“Your sweater.”

Steve looked down at himself. He was wearing a pair of under pleated khaki pants and a white T-shirt layered underneath a rich blue, the v-necked sweater made of an incredibly soft wool. “Is that what this is? It's very nice. There were a bunch of them in my closet.”

“Ah,” Natasha said, smirking into her cup.

_Ah?_

Tony had bought clothes for Bruce and Thor, so wasn't that strange that Steve had gotten new clothes too…right?


	5. List of Avengers Head Canon ~ Jane #1 & Natasha #1 & 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first two of these particular Canons were ficced at the request of Dani9513 over on ff.net. If there is a canon you’d particularly like to see, feel free to drop me a line.

**43\. Though she may seem mild mannered and calm, tossing Jane into the company of Tony and Bruce allowed her to really let her inner mad scientist run wild.**

Everyone in the tower knew Thor was beyond thrilled when Jane (and by extension Darcy) was moving into the Tower. It was all he talked about for weeks prior to his leaving for New Mexico to escort the two young women back.

So it only seemed polite to be there to greet them when they arrived. Steve was placing a plate of cookies on the table when Natasha entered with Clint in tow, mere moments before the door burst open.

“FRIENDS!” Thor bellowed, smiling broadly when he saw the three of them gathered in the sitting room. “I would like you to meet my dear Jane and her assistant, Lady Darcy. My friends and Shield brothers, Steven Rogers, Clint Barton and Lady Natasha Romanoff.”

Jane is a lovely, delicate woman with large brown eyes and a kid smile. “It’s nice to meet you all. Thor has said so many good things!”

“Not enough,” Darcy said with a grin, wiggling her fingers at Steve and Clint. “Hi there.”

Before Steve could form a response, a strange sound echoed through the room and an odd shape seemed to appear out of nowhere before disappearing.

In the distance, the low roar of an explosion rattled the windows and Steve heaved a sigh. Nonplussed, Natasha said, “JARVIS, patch me through to….”

“No worries! Just a minor miscalculation!” Tony’s voice rang out through the communication system. In the background, Bruce was coughing and someone was using a fire extinguisher.

“Dude, are you still trying to make a transporter?” Clint chuckled. 

“Once we nail down rematerialization….”

“Oh my God, you achieved partial matter transportation!” Jane said excitedly. “I saw it up here…some kind of melon? How are you breaking things down to a quantum level while maintaining the integrity and what sort of buffer are you using to reintegrate the test subject?”

There was a pause, then…. “We’re on level 73. Nice to meet you, Dr. Foster.”

Without further hesitation Jane bolted for the elevator, disappearing in moments. Thor smiled besottedly after her and Darcy shook her head. “That is gonna end in more explosions and the sort of cray-cray that boggles the mind.”

By the end of the hour, Darcy had already been proven right.

Twice.

 

**14\. Once a week (supervillian attacks and corporate intrigue permitting), Natasha, Pepper, Jane and Darcy get together for a ‘girls night’ and refuse to tell the guys anything about it.**

 

Each of the men living in Avengers Tower has a different theory on exactly what girl’s night entailed. Phil thought they were simply escaping to have a night of sanity. Tony thought they were refining plans for their inevitable world domination. Thor announced gleefully that he thought they might be having a Sapphic orgy (which had caused Cap to turn a truly impressive shade of red). Clint agreed with Tony, though he posited that the ladies (in cahoots with Phil) had already taken over and were simply consolidating their power base. Steve thought they were all paranoid and thought the ladies were simply having nice night’s out together without any of Tony, Clint or Thor’s antics.

In truth, Steve came closest to hitting the nail on the head. Occasionally, they do something calm and normal, like attending a play or spending a day at the spa. Girl’s Night was just a time to do whatever might strike their fancy.

It had been a total whim the time they flew down to Tampa to see an all-male review at a club called Xquisite (Darcy had heard about it on Facebook) and the show had been impressive.

That was a scenario that never crossed the minds of their friends.

 

**13\. Though no one suspects her, Natasha is the one who bought Steve a puppy.**

Bought was, perhaps, not the right word. Found abandoned and shivering in an alley was far more accurate.

Was she was walking home from a night out (she loved her team, but sometimes alone time was necessary), Natasha heard a whimper coming from the dark alley. Curious, she chose to investigate and discovered a tiny, bedraggled ball of fur with big brown eyes huddled against a dank brick wall.

Mercy was a weakness when dealing with one's enemies, but when it came to small, helpless creatures, well, that was another story entirely.

Gently, she scooped up the puppy, holding it inside her jacket to keep it warm as she Googled ’24 hour veterinarian New York City’. There was one only five blocks away.

There she was assured that, while small and somewhat undernourished, the puppy, a girl, was in good health. After an exam, the vet provided a formula the puppy would have to eat for several weeks before starting on puppy food as well as the directions to an all-night pet store (hey, it was New York. There were probably all night Gymboree classes if one looked hard enough).

The pet store clerk had been delighted to help her use of the on-site grooming facilities to wash the puppy and then helped her pick out the staggering amount of supplies one needed to care for such a small creature. A bed, lots of toys, treats, food dishes, water bowls, a leash, a harness (because her little neck was too delicate for traditional collar), a brush and comb, shampoo, a coat (because she was tiny and would probably get cold), training paths, disposable bags for cleaning up after her and a carrier.

By the time she got home the tower, it was 2:30 AM and she had a plan. Though the puppy was admittedly adorable, she wasn't really much of a pet person herself. So, knowing he would appreciate the little critter, Natasha placed the puppy (as well as a few toys, a snuggly blanket and a small water bowl) in an open topped box and set it on the floor in Steve's bedroom, along with the bags of puppy supplies and formula. Taped to the side of the box was a simple note that read ‘For Steve’. As she expected, he slept through her entrance, as he somehow slept like the dead while in the tower but woke at the drop of a pin in the field.

Mission accomplished, Natasha turned in. It'd been a long evening.

When she awoke and made her way down to one of the communal floors, she was unsurprised to find Steve, Thor, Clint, Jane and Darcy (it was either too early for Tony to be up or he’d yet to emerge from his workshop) sitting on the floor, shaking toys and exclaiming over whatever the puppy was doing. Bruce and Phil were observing them from a couch, amused expressions on their faces. It was Phil who noticed her entry, greeting her with an interestingly inflected, “Good Morning, Natasha.”

Okay, so Phil suspected her, but he wouldn’t rat her out.

“Come see the new companion our good Captain has acquired! I had suggested naming her Hjalmþrimul, but….”

“You’re the only one who can pronounce that,” Darcy interrupted Thor.

Steve smiled up at Natasha, looking almost heartbreakingly cute as he held the puppy. “I was going to call her Dorothy, but the name’s bigger than she is, so…this is Dot.”

“I see,” Natasha replied, reaching out and touching Dot’s head. “She’d cute. What are you going to do with her if we get called away?”

“Darcy, Jane and JARVIS have all offered to help if the team gets a long call out,” Steve said easily, then glanced down at Dot. “You don’t think Tony will mind having her in the Tower, do you?”

Clint answered him with a snort. “Dude, if you wanted a pet tiger, Stark would find someone to get it for you. He’s not gonna mind the little powder puff.”

Natasha nodded, agreeing with Clint’s opinion and headed off to the kitchen for coffee. As she was pouring herself a cup, she heard Jane say, “Oh my God, put this on her!”

Clearly, Jane had found the little stars and stripes doggy dress Natasha had been unable to leave on the shelf. The very thought of Steve taking Dot on a walk while the little animal wore the dress was enough to make her grin.


	6. Maria Hill #1 & Tony Stark #1

**40\. Occasionally, when Fury is feeling ‘funny’ he sends her off to recruit new minions…er, agents**

 

The first time it happened, Maria assumed this was Fury’s version of hazing her, shipping her off to attempt to recruit individuals that had popped up on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar as possible assets. When she approached Chloe O’Brien, a CTU data analyst, in a coffee shop the woman had mumbled something, not even looking up from her phone. Maria spent the next few minutes trying to convince the woman that she’d like S.H.I.E.L.D., until a blond arrived and sat beside O’Brien, radiating a menace until Maria decided it was time to go.

Everyone in her field knew you did not fuck with Jack Bauer.

Bobby Singer had responded to her recruitment pitch by tossing water in her face and muttering at her in Latin. Once he determined she was not, in fact, a demon (by this point, she was certain Fury was just fucking with her), he snorted and said, “Ain’t interested. I got business to attend to, so you best be on your way, miss.”

In retrospect, he probably would have taken her more seriously had she punched him in the face over the water in the face thing.

She never even introduced herself to ATF Team 7 in Denver. Their success rate was high, but their injury rate even higher. Plus, they had a sniper on the team and bringing a new sharpshooter into the delicate eco-system of S.H.I.E.L.D. was always a problem (Snipers were territorial creatures and a new recruit always led to a bloody, violent battle for dominance…of course Clint would emerge as the Alpha crazy person with incredible aim, leaving a pack of disgruntled & bruised agents in his wake). Then she entered their office and saw them…two shot, three recovering from being blown up, one had been stabbed…and one was shaking his head, clearly wondering what he’d done wrong to be saddled with these yahoos.

As much as Maria felt for the last man, she turned on her heel and left.

The sheriff in Eureka had politely turned her down, even as he hung off the side of a cyborg, trying to stop it from destroying a café.

When Fury sent her to recruit Carlos Alvarez and Jake Jensen, she was initially skeptical due to the fact that Alvarez was a sniper, but once she saw them that became a secondary concern. Stark’s brain would probably explode if he ever met Jensen (who looked like a slightly less bulky Steve Rogers mixed with a lot of sarcasm and a big old genius, hacker brain). Maria thought that between Jensen and Johnny Storm (Christ, was it a pain making sure the Avengers and the Four kept their distance), they had ample proof that someone had been trying to clone Rogers. Sure, the army claimed to have misplaced a lot of the ‘samples’ collected from the man back in the 40’s, but she trusted General Ross about as far as Jane Foster could throw him.

Her most recent successful recruitment came straight from the NYPD, a homicide detective who’d had a spat with co-workers and was in a state where a shift in careers seemed like a good idea. After meeting the man, Maria was sure Kevin Ryan would fit in quite nicely at S.H.I.E.L.D., even if he wasn’t too fond of the skintight uniforms.

 

**24\. He’s eaten at 5 Star restaurants the world over and places so exclusive they don’t even have names, but the most incredible thing Tony has ever eaten was prepared by the culinary tag team of Bruce, Clint and Steve.**

 

Tony was certain JARVIS was being unduly influenced by the well-meaning but overly concerned tag team of Pepper, Coulson and Steve. It was the only explanation he could think of that might explain the AI’s newly developed habit of shutting down all but the most basic systems in the workshop once Tony passed the 48 hour with no sleep mark.

It was completely unfair.

He’d gone longer than that before, and he was even eating! Steve, when nor running around fighting uber evil with just a shield and a brightly colored suit, was a nurturer/caregiver and had gotten into the habit of bringing plates of food down to the shop and prompting Tony to eat. He’d quickly realized that finger foods stood the best chance of actually making it into Tony’s mouth, so sandwiches had become the norm. At a later date, Tony would remember that the last few sandwiches had been cut up into bite sized pieces for ease of consumption.

Clearly, Cap wasn’t afraid to use his skills as a master strategist off of the battlefield.

So, after JARVIS’s sudden and unexpected betrayal (or as JARVIS called it ‘his intervention’ – that had exposure to Clint and his TiVo’d shows written all over it), Tony wandered up to one of the common floors in search of coffee (the coffee maker in the shop was the first victim of JARVIS’s decree). Usually, one or more of his team mates could be found lolling around on the couches by the big TV, but the sight that greeted Tony was odd enough to register, even in his caffeine deprived state.

Thor, Jane, Darcy, Coulson, Pepper and Natasha were all on the couches, none of them paying attention to CNN, which was a low background noise. They were all peering toward the kitchen, looking impatient and…Oh, what was that smell?

An enticing aroma was wafting from the kitchen and Tony’s stomach let out a growl as he asked, “What is that?”

Pepper glanced over at him. “Clint, Bruce and Steve are making dinner.”

Well, that sounded like a horrible idea (despite the incredible smell). Bruce was a vegetarian, Clint deep fried everything and Steve was a human garbage disposal. Seriously, last week Tony had seen Cap sniff week old Chinese food, shrug, dump the container into a pot of scrambled eggs and cover it all with Muenster cheese and hot sauce.

Letting the three of them loose in the kitchen was madness.

Intrigued, he took a few steps toward the kitchen and Darcy said, “Don’t! They said to keep out and we don’t want to upset Bruce before the food is done…Dude, did you roll in grease? Go wash!”

By the time he got back, everyone was hustling toward the table and Tony tucked into a huge bowl of savory beef stew (Steve’s contribution) and a side of Gujarati Style Vegetables (Bruce’s specialty). Once they’d all gorged themselves, somehow everyone still had room for a huge slice of the cherry pie a la mode (with fucking homemade ice cream) that Clint had produced. 

Good food and good friends were enough to make Tony forget his annoyance at being ousted from his lab and he nodded off on the couch between Pepper and Steve once the meal was done.

 


	7. Darcy #1 & Natasha #3

**45\. Darcy takes it upon herself to make sure each of the Avengers has some harmless, silly fun every week (supervillian attacks excluded).**

If ever there were a group of people who needed to chill the fuck out and laugh, it was the Avengers…well, most of them. Thor was pretty good about relaxing when he was actively doing battle, but the demi-God could brood with the best of them if inspired by Loki shenanigans.

So, as part of Darcy's duties as the self-appointed morale officer at Avengers tower (her official title was Special Assistant to the Supervisory Agent Assigned to the Avengers Initiative aka Phil Coulson…which actually meant he was their badass, ninja babysitter), she made it her business to make sure everyone had a little lighthearted fun each week.

Movie nights were easy enough to arrange (though she had to deploy Steve, Natasha and Thor to assure the attendance of Tony, Bruce and Jane respectively). Mostly, they stuck with Disney, sci-fi and classic movies (Steve and Thor didn't really do well with pop culture references that littered most comedies, Thor got way too invested in dramas and war movies…yeah, Saving Private Ryan had been a bad, bad idea. For day use, Steve and wandered around looking like he was one clap of thunder away from a major PTSD episode).

If someone needed a quick pick me up, Darcy enlisted the help of Dot, Steve 3 pound teacup Yorkshire Terrier. It was impossible to remain in a funk with the little powder puff dancing around her ankles (Darcy found it helpful to tuck treats into the folded over cuffs of Bruce and Tony's jeans), especially if Darcy dressed the puppy in one of the tiny Avengers costumes she had made specially.

Of course, occasionally, one of her plans went awry. There were still baby agents who turned and fled when they saw her after the ‘wolverine (the animal, not the big hairy guy who ‘taught art’ at Xavier's school upstate) in the drawer’ incident.

In her defense, she had meant for them to get involved, but sometimes things just happened.

Still, the whole thing made Clint and Tony snicker, Thor laugh loudly, Natasha smirk and Steve roll his eyes in clear amusement.

Sometimes you had to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

* * *

11\. **Natasha is the one who gets the call that leads to the discovery that Sgt. James Barnes is alive and kicking in Siberia.**

It started when Natasha picked up Steve's sketchbook. She was curious, as he usually kept it in hand or tucked away in his room, so finding it lying around was too good an opportunity to pass up.

The first several pages were filled with drawing exercises, vases, views from the tower windows, random shapes, the Brooklyn Bridge. People, or rather, parts of people, came next. Natasha recognized Thor’s broad smile and jaw line. Clint's forearms and hands, slight grooves from his guards visible in the skin. The line of Bruce's shoulders, tired but not as worn down as they once were. Phil’s forehead and brows, creased with exasperation. The column of her own throat and the delicate sweep of her collarbones. Darcy's ribs, nipping into the waist before curving to full hips. Jane's toes peeking out from the pooling of her too long jeans. Tony's eyes, framed by his thick, black lashes.

Each sketch was detailed and lovely and Natasha was surprised by the skill displayed. She knew Steve had been something of an artist before the war, but this indicated a substantial gift.

After the practice pages came real portraits, pictures of people doing everyday activities around the tower or at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ . Thor hovering by the toaster eagerly. Clint attempting to reason with Tony's unnecessarily complex espresso machine. Tony, Bruce and Jane, all slightly singed as they gathered around the exploded remains of something well Darcy and Dum-E observed, fire extinguishers at the ready. Natasha herself sitting on the terrace, enjoying a cup of tea as she watched the sunset. Phil, sleeves rolled up and tie loose, reading reports on the couch. Fury and Hill scowling over a battle plan. Pepper, amused and annoyed, mid phone call.

There were others, random people on the streets and agents, before Natasha reached faces that gave her pause. She knew the Howling Commandos from their service records and the young Howard Stark from old S.H.I.E.L.D. (then the SSR) photos. Everyone in the know would recognize Agent Peggy Carter, Steve's long-lost love, captured on paper as the beautiful, fiery woman Cap had known.

Records didn't have many photos of Sgt. James “Bucky” Barnes on file and those that existed were not the best quality. Still, Natasha knew who the handsome young man carefully rendered on the page was and had a chilling realization. The old photos were grainy enough that she hadn't made the connection, but she couldn't ignore what she saw in the neat pencil sketch.

She knew Bucky Barnes, though he hadn't answered to that name at the time. He hadn't smiled and his eyes, somehow bright and alive on the page, had been cold and ruthless.

The man she had known as Winter Soldier was somehow Steve's long dead friend… Though lately the definition of dead seemed to have become somewhat subjective.

Immediately, she went about making necessary calls to her contacts. Department X had supposedly been shut down when the KGB was disbanded, but it didn't actually happen until years later, and, to this day, stores of records, sometimes whole labs were still being recovered.

Three days later, Niko Thermopolis, a shield scientist on loan to the Отдел Oоенных наук (Russia’s version of shield), who were in charge of ferreting out all those old Department X labs.

“We found the lab where the Winter Soldier program was based out of a couple of weeks ago,” Thermopolis rumbled from the other side of the world. “The subject was pulled from a river at an undisclosed location, frozen solid and missing an arm. World War II era clothing and weapons. When he proved to be alive, they used intensive reeducation methods to create a perfect assassin and replaced his arm with a cybernetic limb. According to the notes it seems he had a habit of throwing off his conditioning if left aware for long periods of time, so between missions he was put in cryogenic suspension.”

“ебать,” Natasha Kirst. She'd seen Winter Soldier perhaps a decade earlier, still controlled by the remains of Department X who had hoped to use his skills to take back their power base. She wondered if it would be best not to mention this to Steve, as it would hurt him to realize his friend had been alive that recently. “When was he terminated?”

It was morbid, but she had to know.

There was a pause before Thermopolis said, “Actually, he's alive. Frozen in a cryo-tube, but all the indicators are green. The only reason we haven't tried to wake him is…well, he might not react well and unlike some people are team is not composed of bad ass ninjas.”

“Leave him as he is until we get there,” she said, snapping her phone shut as she asked, “JARVIS, where's Steve?”

“Capt. Rogers is in the kitchen with Mr. Stark and Agent Barton.”

She entered the kitchen to find Clint snickering as Steve repeatedly pushed half a grapefruit at Tony, who was huddled over a mug of coffee. Cap seemed happy, at ease and she was loath to destroy his peace, but she knew he'd want to know what she knew so they could tagteam Fury and get their asses to Siberia ASAP.

“Cap,” she said, tone drawing every eye in the room. “We have a situation….”

30 min. later they were on one of Tony's private jets, streaking toward Russian airspace at a stupidly fast, not yet commercially available pace. Phil was talking with Maria Hill over the comm, arranging things so there would be no diplomatic incident when the Avengers landed in Siberia.

One thing Natasha always said about her people was that they were realists. When faced with the reality that a war hero from World War II had been held captive on Russian soil from God only knew how long, they knew this was bad. The fact that he was the best friend of Captain America (who was loved in a lot of nations, not just the US), well they just threw up their hands and gave the team carte blanche to retrieve Barnes.

In the end, they were successful and loaded Barnes, confused, more than a little twitchy and lightly sedated, back onto the plane. There had been quite a fight before he came back to at least some of his senses and recognized Steve, so Natasha was sporting a dislocated shoulder, Clint had several busted ribs, the Ironman suit was severely dented and Steve himself was bleeding from a number of small contusions.

But they succeeded and really that was all they could hope for sometimes.

 

Comments, pretty please?


End file.
